The Arbitrator of Universal Fairness and Balance says “Hi! You have been selected for our weekly survey of fairness in balance produced by our Universal Self.
Press one, IF you feel Fairly treated.
Press two, IF you feel Fairly in Balance.
Press three, IF you feel in Balance.
Press four, IF circumstances have somehow aquired a more murky hue.
Press five, IF by “Balance” you mean “Eternally Static”.
Press six, IF nothing, and this means NOTHING, makes sense anymore.
Press seven, IF liability for your misfortunes should immediately be transferred to our Universal Self for injection.
Press eight, IF THIS is your Final Warning.
Press nine, IF you wish to hear this Announcement Repeated. This time Without interference!
Press zero to enter a sweepstake and win the grand prize: You will never hear from us again.